Thursday, August 28, 2008

Irony and Contradictions

I prefer to post original ideas on my blog and try to refrain from posting exact ideas from other people, this list was too good to pass up. A member of made this list of Irony and Contradictions they see in the Mormon church.

-300 pound Mormons, on their way back from the desert bar at the buffet for the second time, who look down their noses at the marathon runner who is finishing off her modest meal with the glass of red wine her doctor has told her will improve her heath.

-About to leave missionaries who are celebrated by the largest crowds of their obscure lives, while simultaneously being told that the rush they feel in the midst of this momentarily adulation is due to the fact that they are finally "keeping their eye single to the Glory of God." The honors of men have nothing to do with what they feel. Ditto for the GAs.

-Feeling confident for years that I was so much better off relying upon the arm of God than the arm of flesh, and then finding that the arm of God was in fact the flabby old arms of Packer, GBH et al.

-Having to go to tithing settlement to "settle" with the lord, yet the church's finances go unchecked.

-Maybe the biggest irony is becoming one of those apostates I thought were all bitter and miserable, but being happier than I ever have in my life.

-Whenever I said "I know this church is true" there was always a nagging doubt inside. It was a slight physical twang in my chest. It would have sent the polygraph needle swinging. Now, whenever I say "The church is a fraud." I feel completely confident and comfortable in my answer.

-The boiling frog parable: Sin gets you a little bit at a time, without you realizing it; and before you know it, you are dead.
Contrast that with:
Milk before meat: New members and investigators can't handle the whole truth. They need to be spoon-fed a little bit at a time until they have a testimony.

-On the one hand claiming that gospel principles are "beautiful in their simplicity." On the other hand, when things get messy or don't make sense, "the gospel isn't supposed to be logical.”

-I love the contradiction between the 'plain and precious truths" and "Well, we don't know the answer to that question. It will all make sense in the next life."

-Free agency applies except in the church, then it is all about unquestioning obedience.

-Feelings ("the witness of the HG") but you can only believe those feelings if they tell you that church is true!

-Secret Combinations vs. The Temple Ceremony

-The "Restoration" of the "Apostasy." I mean what other church is better at changing ordinances, teaching false doctrine, pretending prophecy, and modifying their foundation than the good old Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?!!!

-While the modern mainstream LDS church abhors and condemns any sexual activity outside of marriage, 19th-century church leaders were having sex with up to dozens of women to whom they were not legally married.

-And while 19th-century church leaders proclaimed for decades that polygamy was God's form of marriage, and that polygamy was necessary for salvation, and that monogamy was concocted by pagan Romans etc.---the modern LDS church is possibly the most anti-polygamous religion on earth.

-We have prophets, seers and revelators up the wazoo but receive no prophecies or revelations.

-Mormons who will NEVER go to see the Passion of the Christ movie because it is rated R. Wouldn’t the Bible be rated R?


  1. I think the BofM would be rated R.

  2. I think if it was done right it would be. Think of the Gadianton robbers, Coriantumr chopping off the head of Shiz and all of the wars. It would be like watching Apocalypto.

    Now, I had the great displeasure of sitting through "The Book of Mormon Movie" which was the worst thing I have ever seen in my life. It was around 3 hours long and they did not even get to the book of Alma. It was so bad that I don't think they ever had the funding to make the rest.

  3. If you think "The Book of Mormon Movie" was bad, and no doubt it was, try watching "Battlefield Earth," the story of Scientology, widely considered the worst movie ever made.

  4. Oh my word -I'm ROFL!! It's all so true! Thanks Soy Yo -I have to share this with my sisters...heehee

  5. pops, I did se Battlefield Earth, what a trainwreck of a movie. The book was pretty good though.

  6. I've got a question for your blog, soy yo. Are mormons forbidden to drink coffee period or is it because it's hot or because you have to use heat to brew it? Can mormons drink room temperature coffee or cold coffee?

    Suppose you put coffee beans in room temperature water and then let them soak. Would the resulting concoction be ok for a mormon to drink or not?

  7. pops,

    My experience has been that you cannot drink coffee in any form. I used to drink decaf thinking it was OK. In an interview with my Bishop, I was asked if I kept the word of wisdom including abstaining from alcohol, tobacco, coffee and tea. I responded that I did keep the word of wisdom by not using tobacco or drinking alcohol or tea and only drank decaf coffee. He told me I was breaking the WoW and needed to repent, that it was not the caffeine that was the problem, it was the coffee.
    This happened while I was attending a BYU ward.

    If this seems confusing to you, don't be surprised. At BYU they only serve decaffeinated drinks like 7-Up and decaf coke. This leads me to believe that it IS in fact the caffeine. Also, you can (at least when I was there) buy no-doz at the BYU bookstore. 1 pill containing the same amount of caffeine as a cup of coffee...hmmm, no mixed message there.

    Also, tea is one of the healthiest drinks on the planet and has less caffeine than Coke.

  8. You have to wonder why the mos forbid partaking of these things, since it shows them to be a cult, to anyone who knows the bible:

    Titus 4:3 Forbidding to marry, and commanding to abstain from meats, which God hath created to be received with thanksgiving of them which believe and know the truth.
    4 For every creature of God is good, and nothing to be refused, if it be received with thanksgiving:
    5 For it is sanctified by the word of God and prayer.

  9. the "word of wisdom" actually references "hot drinks", so that should mean that hot cocoa is out but iced tea is OK. again, it is more a cultic control mechanism than anything else. my first cup of coffee after leaving mormonism was an incredibly liberating moment, and I drink it in volume ever since.

  10. I agree with what has been said here about coffee. The WoW really only says “hot drink” and the leaders have interpreted that to mean coffee and tea (herbal seems to be ok though). It really does not make any sense because iced-tea is on the bad list but hot herbal tea like chamomile is ok.

    My favorite part of the WoW is when it says “and barley for all useful animals, and for mild drinks, as also other grain”. What mild drink do you make with barley (and hops)? Beer

  11. you love to use the beer analogy soy yo! it cracks me up.

    I remember having my first accidental drink of tea as a two week old member of the mormon church. I was terrified I had done something bad. Now 12 years later I am reading all these comments with an iced coffee in my hand. I love coffee and iced green tea.

    It was liberating to take my first drink of coffee while wearing a tank top and a cross necklace:) no offense to my mormon friends only sharing a free moment I received with gladness.

    God is good!

    Oh and now anytime we have to bring drinks to our church functions I bring sweet is my signature drink now!

    too lazy to sign in...ANP

  12. Rick,
    That is a confusing message. I was always told it was because of the caffeine, because caffeine is addicting and the point of the WoW was to avoid addictions. Hmm... I'll have to ask my brother -their family only drinks stuff like Sprite and orange soda at our family gatherings. I remember growing up we'd go to the gas station across the street almost everyday and I'd get a Mountain Dew. Man, when my mom found out was I in trouble! Yet she hides bags of chocolates in her room...

    Growing up with the WoW did have an effect on me though -I can't stand the taste of coffee, tea, or beer. :( Fortunately, Captain Morgan and I get along really well!

    Tea=one of the healthiest drinks. True, and did you know that coffee -in moderation- has anti-cancer properties?

  13. It's interesting you mentioned that about caffeine being addicting. I am addicted to sunkist diet orange soda. I gotta have it, although I think I am drinking a little less now than I used to.

    I mentioned that to a checkout clerk at tom thumb and she said it was because of the caffeine. And I said, there's no caffeine in orange soda. She said look at the list of ingredients. And sure enough she was right. Can you believe they put caffeine in orange soda.

    So if you want to get your caffeine and want nobody to know, drink sunkist diet orange soda.

  14. I believe Sprite has caffeine too...

  15. I believe the treats they hand out in relief society if you offer an answer do too! CHOCOLATE!

  16. The whole WoW thing is a joke. It is a regression back to the law of Moses. I thought Jesus fulfilled all that nonsense.